Thursday, December 10, 2015

HOW TO SCREEN REFUGEES


THE OBAMA METHOD:
Q: So, you say you’re a refugee from the fighting in the Middle East?

A: Yes.

Q: You look like a big, strong man. Did your wife and children come with you?

A: No. I left them back home.

Q: You’re not a terrorist are you?

A: No, of course not.

Q: Can you prove it?

A: I don’t have to prove it. I’m innocent until proven guilty.

Q: Right, sorry. Can you sign this form here, so I can fill out your entry papers?

A: Sure, can you hold my AK-47 for me while I sign?

Q: You’re sure you’re not a terrorist?

A: Of course not, and if I decide to engage in some workplace violence when I get to America, you can blame the NRA.

Q: Okay, you’re approved for entry into the USA.

A: I would say thank you, but you are a minion of the Great Satan.

THE TRUMP METHOD:

Q: So, you say you’re a refugee from the fighting in the Middle East?

A: Yes.

Q: Are you a Muslim?

A: Yes.

Q: Too bad. You can’t come in.

A: But I worked for the U.S. Military during Operation Iraqi Freedom. I was a translator.

Q: Makes no difference. You’re a Muslim.

AN ALTERNATIVE METHOD:

Q: So, you say you’re a refugee from the fighting in the Middle East?

A: Yes.

Q: You look like a big, strong man. Did your wife and children come with you?

A: Yes. I hope to bring them into the United States with me.

Q: You’re not a terrorist are you?

A: No, of course not.

Q: Can you prove it?

A: I worked for the U.S. Military during Operation Iraqi Freedom. I was a translator. You can verify what I’m saying by checking out the following references I have listed on this sheet of paper.

Q: Okay, we’ll run down these references, and if everything checks out, there’s a good chance you can get cleared to come to the United States.

A: Thank you.