Thursday, June 19, 2014


Have you ever wondered why the sales rep in the auto dealership always has to go “talk to the boss” before agreeing to your offer? So he can come back and tell you “No,” and still be a good guy. So he can stiff arm any persuasive measures you undertake with the simple statement, “Nope, the boss won’t let me go that low.” It is a huge weight off the sales rep’s shoulders to be able to farm out the responsibility for saying “No” to someone who is absent.

What made me think about this dynamic of sales negotiation was story I saw on the internet today. A father had a T-shirt emblazoned with “Rules for Dating My Daughter.” The rules were:

1: I don’t make the rules
2: You don’t make the rules
3: She makes the rules
4: Her body, her rules 

Underneath the rules he had “Feminist Father” as a signature. The photo has gone viral and is much applauded by feminists and other politically correct oracles. The article went on to say that the man’s daughter was 20 years old. That makes her old enough to vote, an adult for most purposes, including giving consent for sexual intercourse. In light of his daughter’s age, he should have signed himself “Captain Superfluous” rather than “Feminist Father.” Whether he likes it or not, she’s on her own in fending off unwanted pleas for sexual intercourse.

You can buy the T-shirt with the rules online for $48.90, but I don’t think I’m going to buy one. Here’s why:

The article spoke of another man who tweeted (or twerked or posted or whatever) a comment that those were the rules for his 16 year old daughter. Bravo! Cheers! Wait a minute! Maybe this second dad hasn't thought the situation through clearly. His daughter is not an adult. He has just advertised that his minor daughter shoulders 100% of the responsibility for saying “No” in any high-pressure negotiations over having sex. And believe me, teenage boys can be very pushy on this subject.

His daughter is now denied the option of deploying the negotiation stopper “My dad won’t like it, and you don’t want to see him when he’s angry.” Result: Without the “Dad won’t approve” resource, she may very well be high-pressured into doing something she really doesn’t want to do.
If an adult sales rep in an auto dealership can deploy the "My boss says no" stratagem, it seems that a minor child should not be denied the option of deploying the "My dad says no" stratagem.

I saw another "Rules for Dating My Daughter" T-Shirt that puts the "My dad says no" theme front and center. This T-Shirt's rules were:
1: Get a Job.
2: Understand I don't like you.
3: Realize, I am everywhere.
4: You hurt her, I hurt you.
5: Be home 30 minutes early.
6: Get a lawyer.
7: If you lie to me, I'll find out.
8: She's my princess, not your conquest.
9: I don't mind going back to jail.
10: Whatever you do to her, I'll do to you.
Although the price of this second T-Shirt is only $20.95, I don't think I'll be buying it either.
This next story I’m going to tell has only minimal relevance to what I’ve said so far, but I was reminded of the incident as I wrote my comments above.

I once prosecuted a serial rapist/serial killer whom I’ll call Tony. He victimized and seriously injured a lot of young women and girls, and he killed at least two of them. I want to tell about a girl he didn’t hurt. Tony met a girl (who quite coincidentally was 16 years old) and asked her out on a date. She insisted he come to her house to pick her up. When he got to her house, she told him he had to come in and meet her parents. He asked her not to tell her parents his real name. She told Tony she had already told them his real name. When he first laid eyes on Tony, Dad felt very uneasy. With some trepidation, he allowed her to go on the date, but silently reassured himself that this would be her last date with Tony.

While on the date, Tony made unwanted sexual advances. She told him he could not take such liberties. He told her “I can do any damned thing I want to you.” To which she replied, “Yes, and my father and brother know who you are. They’ll hunt you down and kill you.” Tony stopped making advances and immediately took her home. “Dad won’t approve” not only saved the girl from unwanted sexual advances, it quite possibly saved her from serious injury or death. It’s probably a good thing the girl’s father wasn’t wearing that $48.90 “Rules” shirt.