Tuesday, March 18, 2014


JOHN: I just read an article about a college ordering one of their students to take a Bible verse off of the door to his dormitory room because it was deemed offensive to post verses from the Bible. It seems as though our postmodern society is bent on eliminating every vestige of Christian influence.

NICK: That’s right, if we’re going to put our house in order,[1] we must get to the root of the problem [2] and eradicate all Biblical references one way or another.[3] We can't possibly have religious tolerance in America until Christian influence is erased from the four corners of the earth.[4]

JOHN: Aren’t you being too severe? Why can’t individual Christians exercise their religious beliefs by posting Bible passages in their personal space?

NICK: I can see that you’re not with us, and whoever is not with us is against us.[5] How can an educated person like you say anything in favor of those good for nothing[6] Bible thumpers? As Abraham Lincoln once said, "A house divided against itself cannot stand."[7] We have to unite under the banner of religious tolerance and eradicate all vestiges of Christian influence, starting with the Bible.

JOHN: I don’t think Lincoln was the first person to ever speak of a house divided.

NICK: The saying may be as old as the hills,[8] but be that as it may,[9] it applies to our situation.

JOHN:  Christians are peaceful, law-abiding citizens. There are few rotten apples in any barrel, but as for the majority of them I can’t think of a more inoffensive group of people. I think the First Amendment was written to protect non-violent expressions of faith such as this.

NICK: Your argument won’t hold water.[10] I can see right through it. I wasn’t born yesterday,[11] you know. These Bible thumpers are a brood of vipers.[12] They’re wolves in sheep’s clothing,[13] That’s what they are. They’re a gigantic thorn in the flesh[14] of American society. As that old Byrds song, Turn, Turn, Turn, says, "to everything there is a season,"[15] and the season of Christian influence in America is about over.

JOHN: Are you sure the Byrds are the first ones to say that?

NICK: Sure, I’m sure.

JOHN: Well, I can see that you’ve completely removed all Biblical influence from your life.

NICK: You don’t know the half of it.[16] I'm a real Doubting Thomas.[17] When it comes to being completely free of Christian influence, I’m head and shoulders above[18] everybody else. Haven’t  I convinced you that I’m right?

JOHN: I think I’ll answer that by referring you to Proverbs 26:4.[19]

1. 2 Samuel 17:23
2. Job 19:28-29
3. Job 33:14
4. Isaiah 11:12
5. Matthew 12:30
6. Proverbs 20:14
7. Matthew 12:25
8. Job 15:7
9. 2 Corinthians 12:16
10. Jeremiah 2:13
11. Job 8:9
12. Matthew 3:7
13. Matthew 7:15
14. 2 Corinthians 12:7
15. Ecclesiastes 3:1
16. 1 Kings 10:7
17. John 20:24-25
18. 1 Samuel 9:2
19. “Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him.”